


date with death

by watergator



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Cannibalism, Horror, M/M, Serial Killers, no graphic scenes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-11-27 20:35:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20954528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watergator/pseuds/watergator
Summary: dan meets phil, a serial killer





	date with death

Dan is unsure if what he’s doing is a good idea.

Nothing he ever does ever turns out to be a good idea, he knows that, but this— this is by far the worst idea he’s ever had, and the fact that he’s following through on this idea is a reminder of how utterly stupid he is.

Of course, if his parents knew what he was doing they’d be sure to tell him it’s a stupid idea. Actually, if his parents knew that their teenage son was on a hidden dating sites for maniacs and killer fanatics, then they’d probably be a bit more than just concerned about him travelling up north for a date with another bloke.

But Dan tells himself it’s far too late to turn back now; he has his backpack slung over his shoulder and he’s already standing when the train comes to a stop at the station.

He’s been to Manchester before. It hadn’t been difficult to keep his parents from sniffing around as to why he would be travelling up to the north for the weekend; he’d only told a tiny white lie about the university up there being good, and whilst he was kinda almost interested in school, he also was kinda more interested in his date he was supposed to be meeting, like, now.

The train comes to a steady stop, and when it does the elderly lady that had been sat on the seat opposite him gives him a polite smile and he lets her off first. She thanks him sweetly and wishes him well.

Dan wonders if she’d have the same reaction if she knew about his love and want for death. He shakes it. He has a rule to not think of those things in public. It’s like a secret that’s only confined to the places that has four walls.

He steps off the train and takes a deep breath.

He’s really doing this then. 

He starts to walk around, minding people and moving to a place that isn’t so crowded. He pulls his phone from his jeans pocket and looks. 

There’s a text.

_ I think I see you. _

Dan’s heart rate picks up inside his chest and he looks up from his screen and scans the station with almost frantic eyes.

At first he thinks he’s being messed with, and he feels the sudden wave of anxiety work its way through his body, with the way his palms start to sweat and his chest starts to prickle with an uncomfortable heat.

Then, a second text comes through making his phone buzz loud in his hand, making him jump slightly. 

_ Sorry! Lol! Didn’t mean to freak you out! I’m over by the toilets :] Not very romantic ik but come find me? :P _

Dan lets out a shaky breath and slips his phone back into his pocket. So many he should relax a little. It’s just a date. With a fucking  _ killer _ . What was the worst that could happen?

Dan spots Phil stood there, tall and leaning up against the brick wall behind him and totally normal looking. He has a fringe to match Dan’s and when they catch eyes, Phil gives him a wonky smile.

“Dan! Hey!” He grins, pulling himself from the wall.

Dan isn’t sure what to say, and before he has time to figure it out, he’s being pulled into a hug. Phil squeezes him right and buries his face right into Dan’s neck and Dan shivers in response.

When they pull away Phil’s still grinning, tongue trapped between his teeth.

“It’s good to see you,” he says softly like he means it, and it makes Dan’s heart feel soft.

“You too,” he says in a shy voice. He clears his throat as a blush runs hotly under his cheeks.

Phil lets out the most adorable giggle before he reaches down and grabs Dan’s hand.

“Shall we go? Somewhere quiet?”

Dan’s nodding too fast and too quickly to really think about what he’s agreeing to.

Phil’s pulling him along too quickly for him to care.

*

They get the bus back to Phil’s house, and all the while whilst the wheels roll beneath them Dan makes a mental note to keep his eye out the window and take notes inside his head of where he’s going and what he’s passed.

He doesn’t realise his leg bouncing up and down until Phil bumps his with his own.

Dan stops and look at where they’re pressed together on the tiny bus seat and looks up at Phil who’s giving him a warm look.

“You don’t have to be nervous,” Phil says in a quiet, low voice. “If I were going to kill you, I’d have done it by now. Way too many security cameras have seen us already, it’d give the game away, wouldn’t it?”

Dan swallows thickly. His heart is pulsing in his chest so hard it feels like it might explode.

But he’s not scared, not anymore. In fact, he feels a bit excited.

He bumps Phil’s leg back with his own and Phil lets out the most adorable giggle that makes Dan’s chest go all fluttery.

“That’s smart,” Dan whispers back to him. There’s a few people sat around on the bus, but nobody minds them any business.

Phil grins, all cat like and Dan can’t help but admit to himself that it is rather sexy.

“I know,” he shrugs, an air of nonchalant about him. “I’ve been told.”

*

When they get to Phil’s house the nerves in Dan’s stomach have settled.

Phil leads them inside and it’s quiet. His parents are away, of course, and his brother had already packed up and left a few months ago, giving Phil the freedom of the house for the next whole week.

Hence, why Dan was here now.

“Do you want a tour?” Phil asks, stopping in the entrance of the house as Dan looks up.

The house is big, bigger than his own and he nods.

“Yeah,” he swallows. “Don’t want me getting lost now,” he jokes with an airy laugh.

Phil reaches down and grabs him by the hand, lacing their fingers together and pulling him across the room.

“I’d never let that happen,” Phil winks mischievously. “I’d always find you.”

*

Phil does give him a tour of the house. He shows him the three bathrooms he’s free to use and the spare room, which Dan is certain that if he keeps up this flirty banter, he  _ won’t  _ be staying there tonight.

Instead, Phil shows Dan his room.

It definitely doesn’t look like a killer crazed room.

The walls are green and blue and there’s posters hanging from almost every inch of it.

The carpet is kind of vile and when Dan kicks his feet against it, Phil laughs and tells him it had been his own terrible choice.

Dan rolls his eyes and goes on to explain his own brown room failures.

He’s not sure how they go from laughing about terrible teen interior design to making out on Phil’s bed, but it happens someplace in the middle and Dan doesn’t really linger on the thought of how and instead focuses on the now.

Phil’s mouthing at his neck and Dan is already feeling the hard strain against his jeans. He’s desperate to reach a hand under and relieve himself but he doesn’t, and instead places his handson Phil’s hips and gives them a squeeze.

Phil eventually pulls away with a huff of hot air against his skin and when he sits up it’s evident that he’d been feeling the same physical reaction that Dan had been feeling.

They both blush and giggle and Dan slings an arm over his eyes to hide himself away from Phil.

He doesn’t feel embarrassed about getting hard, not since Phil was obviously so very fucking attractive and Phil had felt the same way, but somehow it’s easier to smile at Phil and laugh when he wasn’t looking into those bright wide eyes of his.

Phil’s hand wraps around Dan’s wrist as he lifts his arm away from his face.

“Hey,” he says gently. “I was gonna make you dinner,” he tells him. “You hungry?”

Dan’s starving, in more ways than just his stomach, but he nods. “Dinner sounds good,” he croaks.

Phil beams happily, and pulls Dan up off the bed. His dick has forgotten about the neck kissing and the hip grabbing but his head definitely hasn’t.

“Great!” Phil exclaims. “Spaghetti sound okay?”

Dan sits up on the edge of the bed and smiles at him. “Sounds amazing, Phil.”

*

Dan watches him make a miserable attempt at making pasta. Dan laughs at him and Phil shrieks a few times and it’s all hilarious. Dan happily teases him for making such a hash at something so simple even though he has his own little secret about being the world's worst at making pasta.

But he’ll keep that to himself for now.

“You know, cooking isn’t exactly my forte,” Phil tells him as he dishes up two plates that somehow managed to survive the disaster.

Dan hops down from the counter he’d been perched on and follows Phil to the table.

They take their seats opposite one another and Dan picks up his fork.

“Looks good though,” he tells him. “If cooking isn’t it, what is your forte?”

He looks up and watches Phil swirl his spaghetti around his fork. He slurps it messily, and the end slaps him on the chin leaving a red sauce mark. He wipes it away with the back of his hand.

“Killing,” he says casually. “Killing is my forte.”

Dan takes a large mouthful of spaghetti, shoving it into his gob and watches Phil laugh at him.

“I get a lot of reactions with my dates about that,” Phil says wagging his fork in Dan’s direction.

“But stuffing pasta into your mouth is a new one,” he laughs.

Dan feels a blush run hot over his cheeks. 

“Sorry,” he says quietly once he’s swallowed his food down. He feels a tad embarrassed and kind of inexperienced. He’s never done this before and it clearly shows. He doesn’t want to seem like an idiot in front of Phil but he has a hard time trying not to.

Phil’s face softens. “It’s okay. Sometimes people go on dates with me, they hear my stories and they realise that they aren’t into it at all.”

Dan’s heart tightens painfully in his chest. “And then what happens?”

Phil looks up from his plate at Dan. His eyes bore holes into his own and he had a grin on his face that Dan isn’t sure he likes yet or not.

“I kill them,” he simply says.

Dan says nothing and instead watches Phil smile at him before tucking back into his dinner.

He swallows quickly despite not having touched his food.

“I guess that makes sense,” he says, cringing at the way his voice seems to wobble.

“It’s okay to be scared,” Phil says looking up at him. He gives him a comforting look, something soft and sweet and Dan wonders how the hell someone this nice could be capable of something so terrible.

“I’m not going to kill you,” Phil laughs and Dan gives an awkward laugh back, only because he’s not sure what to say next. 

“I trust you,” Dan finds himself saying. It feels like the right thing to say as well as the fact that he desperately wants to trust Phil.

Phil smiles at him, warm and genuine and happy. “Good,” he tells him with a nod. “I like that.”

It leaves something happy in Dan’s chest, like he’s one upped his dating experience with Phil. He can’t help but smile back.

“I’m always so nervous on dates,” Dan blurts out. He looks down at his plate and twirls the pasta around it too many times.

He hears Phil give a breathy laugh. “You don’t need to worry,” he says with a kind smile. “You’re far from the worst dates I’ve ever had.”

Dan’s stomach clenches before it relaxes again; Phil’s already told him that he’s okay. He needs to stop being on edge all the time.

“Did you date anybody before? That knew about…”

Phil hums and sets his fork down. “Yeah,” he tells him and Dan’s unable to figure out the tone of his voice.

“I dated this one guy since uni,” he says. “We really hit it off, having the same interests and all.”

Dan sets his own fork down and shuffles on his seat. “Was he…” he says leaning in a little bit. “You know…”

Phil blinks at him for a moment before he smiles and shakes his head. “Oh! No, no, he never killed anybody before. No. He told me he didn't think he had the willpower.”

Dan nods. Sometimes he feels like that. He’s not sure he could go through the physical act of murdering somebody, but the idea does give him a thrill. 

“No,” Phil says again with a shake of his head. “He didn’t have a love for the killing,” he chuckles like it’s a funny antidote. “Did require a taste for...  _ something _ though.”

Dan’s stomach does a funny kind of flip. “He what?” He squeaks.

Phil laughs at him but it hardly feels like something cruel. It feels like something understanding and level.

“It worked out well, actually. I’d have a kill and he’d— well to put it bluntly, he’d eat the evidence for me.”

Dan swallows thickly. “I don’t think I’ve ever met a cannibal before,” he shrugs like it’s something casual.

Phil huffs air from his nose. “You’d be surprised, really,” he tells him in a tone of matter-of-factly. “There’s a lot out there, a lot of them just don’t have the tools to act on it, and of course, he did. Because he had me.”

He smiles, happy and expecting of Dan.

A question sits on his tongue, burning there as hot as their dinner and Dan’s unsure if he should just say it or maybe ask beforehand if what he’s about to say is smart at all. 

“Did you…” he starts before he squirms in his seat and picks up his fork, setting it down awkwardly again.

He looks up at Phil who looks surprisingly patient.

“Did you… ever try it?” He asks in a quiet voice.

He pauses to wait for Phil’s expression, but he’s unreadable.

“Did I ever eat people?” He asks patiently. Dan still can’t understand how he’s so casual about the subject. It’s not normal dinner table conversation but he supposes Phil is miles ahead on experience than him. And everything about this whole scenario is far from normal anyway.

Dan nods.

Phil shakes his head and scrunches up his head. “No,” he tells him. “No, I tried it once, he tried cooking me some one time, a romantic dinner but yeah, no, wasn’t really my favourite thing in the world.”

Dan nods and takes a moment to take it all in; a man and another man cooking up a dead body over a glass of wine and a candle lit dinner.

At least Dan had seen Phil add the minced meat that was packaged as Tesco's into their food tonight.

“I was always a picky eater,” Phil laughs humorously. “Just ask my mum, I was an awful child.”

Dan pauses. He hadn’t really thought about his family in this entire equation, or the fact that at one point the killer in front of him was a simple, normal child.

Or maybe he wasn’t. Maybe that was why he was how he was today.

“So, do you think you’d try it?” Phil asks, pulling Dan from his thoughts; thoughts of Phil sat at this very table with his family, living a completely different life to them.

He doesn’t have to think long about his answer before he’s shaking his head. 

“God, no,” he says quickly. “I can barely eat fish because of their eyes and their guts,” he laughs lightly. “I could barely even think about eating a human.”

He hears the words inside his own head and realises how they sound. They sound accusatory and bitter.

He shrinks in his seat. “You… you wouldn’t want me to eat your victims, would you?”

Phil blinks at him before barking out a sharp laugh. It makes Dan jump a little.

“What? God, no, Dan. You don’t have to be a flipping cannibal just for  _ me, _ you know.”

Dan swallows thickly. “Right,” he nods. He feels stupid again.

“Sorry,” he shakes his head. “I feel like I’m really bad at all of…” he waves his hand around his head. “At all of whatever this is.”

He lets out a wet sounding laugh, feeling ridiculous at the threat of tears behind his eyes.

“Hey,” Phil says gently, and he reaches over and takes Dan’s hand in his. Their cold yet comforting. He looks up and their eyes meet.

“Everybody has to start somewhere. The first time I met a killer, Dan, I shit myself.”

Dan huffs a laugh. 

“Most people like to be intimidating on first dates, especially with people new to the scene,” he says with a gentle squeeze. “But I promise I won’t be like that. If you want to learn, I can teach you. Nothing you say is stupid.”

Dan sniffs. “I mean, you  _ did _ say you killed people who backed out because they were scared.”

Phil rolls his eyes playfully and kicks his softly under the table.

“Oi,” he teases. “I have to have my fun somehow,” he grins.

Dan finds himself grinning back.

“I really like you,” Dan croaks as he laces their fingers together. “I don’t want to fuck it up.”

Phil rubs his thumb over his knuckles. “You couldn’t fuck this up, Dan,” he says in a soft voice. “Not unless you were to rat me out or something,” he adds, only half joking.

Dan sniffs again. “I would never,” he tells him honestly. “You’re too smart, remember?”

Phil grins, proud of himself, clearly. “Yeah,” he nods. “I am.”

Dan smiles.

“Dan?” Phil asks.

“Yeah?”

“I really like you too.”

Dan feels his heart flutter. “Good. Me too.”

Phil giggles, all too cute and his tongue between his teeth. “You already said that, dummy.”

Dan squeezes his hands again. “I know. You’re the smart one, remember.”

Phil nudges his leg with his under the table.

“You know, if you’re not into the whole killing scene, that’s alright,” Phil says after sometime.

Dan sniffs wetly. “I’m just… unsure for now, I think.”

Phil presses their knees together. “That’s fine. I’m not going to to hate you if you don’t think you can kill somebody. It’s understandable.”

Dan nods. “Okay.”

“And besides, if you deserve the actual act of killing doesn’t float your boat, it actually works out well for the both of us.”

Dan tilts his head. “How?”

Phil grins, mischievous and devilish. 

“You have any bullies back home you’d love to see the end of? Any assholes that you want to get rid of?”

Dan swallows thickly. He has a few.

“Yeah,” he whispers.

Phil’s face doesn’t change, and he has a twinkle in his eyes that makes Dan’s stomach roll with a strange, new kind of excitement.

“Say the word, and they’re gone. I wouldn't mind having a partner to pick my next victims out for me.”

Dan looks at him. He wouldn’t mind that at all; the people who made his life miserable coming to a grisly end wouldn’t be so bad for him to witness. He’d thought about it. Dreamt about it even. Phil was actually smart enough to pull that off for him, considering he’d gotten away with it all this time.

Hot, cute, smart  _ and _ a goddamn killing machine. 

He ticked all of Dan’s boxes.

He licks his lips at the thought and Phil laughs low in his throat.

“I like the sound of that,” Dan whispers. He feels hot all over and confident in what he’s doing.

Their hands are still interlocked and Phil has a strong hold on his gaze. His eyes are a mixture of blue, green and yellow and they’re utterly terrifying in the best of ways.

Phil still has that cat like smirk on his face. “I like the sound of that too.”

*

They spend the night swapping spit as well as talking between. They start to joke about the ways Phil could remove the people in Dan’s life that made things hard for him. Dan tells him about the assholes that would push him down and call him names, and Phil would add them to the neverending list of people to knock off sometime in the future. The perfect kind of second date.

They laugh and giggle until the conversation turns serious.

“I could do it,” Phil tells him.

He’s on top of Dan now, straddling his hips with his knees bent underneath him.

He looks good like this, Dan thinks. He looks powerful. Frightening even.

“Yeah?” Dan whispers. The house is empty but he still feels the need to drop his voice. It thrills him.

Phil nods. “I’d kill them for what they’ve done to you.”

He sounds… sad almost. But the sadness overhangs the anger Dan hears in his voice. It sends a shiver down his spine.

“How? How would you do it?” Dan asks licking his lips devilishly.

Phil shuffles back, letting Dan sit up so they’re facing one another.

“It’s always different for each person,” Phil tells him, his voice now serious. Dan is listening carefully.

“I don’t like to use weapons all the time,” Phil tells him. “Too messy, too risky.”

Dan nods. “Okay.” He’s no expert on the matter, but he hangs onto every word more than he ever has done at school before.

“My hands,” Phil says holding them up for Dan to see, a cheeky smile flashes over his expression. “My hands are good.”

Dan feels a rush of excitement burn through him. He’s sure he’s giving Phil a crazed look, but it doesn’t matter - they’re quite literally discussing the best way to kill somebody. Looking a bit infatuated isn’t going to scare Phil away.

“You use your hands?” He asks. Phil nods with a short hum.

“It’s easier once you know what you’re doing.” He tells him. His hands reach forward and fingers trace up towards Dan’s neck.

His heart drums hard in his chest as he stares deep into Phil’s eyes. There, trust is held heavy. He gives a slight nod, as if to let Phil carry on if he wishes.

“You have to be careful,” Phil says in a low voice. “There’s a big difference in choking someone unconscious and actually killing them.”

Phil’s hand wrap around his through but only lightly, barely any pressure there at all that he can feel.

He gulps and Phil giggles, breaking the spell just slightly.

“How… how do you know how to do it right?”

Phil grins. His thumbs press a little harder into his windpipe but not enough to hurt.

“You shouldn’t let go even when they go still,” he tells him.

Dan swallows again but it takes a little more effort this time with the pressure on his throat. He hums and it comes out a little strangled.

“They’ll start flapping around like some kind of fish,” Phil tells him, easing up his grip for a moment to stroke along the skin across his neck.

Dan shivers.

“You said you didn’t like fish, didn’t you Dan?”

Dan nods. “Hate it. Grosses me out.”

Phil gives him a sick grin.

“I like it. I like my fish people. They scramble and stutter. You just have to be careful not to get a flying fist into the side of your head— that’s happened before.”

Dan hums. His heart still kicks hard against his ribs but it’s more than just fear or anxiety. 

Phil’s hands are still around his throat, only caressing now.

“I could strangle those bastards, Dan,” he whispers to him. His eyes sparkle and shine and his lips are curled into a wicked grin.

Dan sucks in a breath. 

“Would you?” He asks.

Phil nods, his tongue darts out and licks at his lips fast, almost like a snake.

Phil’s far from a snake. Dan trusts him. He likes him.

“For you, I would.”

Dan’s chest goes fluttery.

“Touch me,” is what he says. “Touch me, Phil.”

Phil’s hands grow tight around his neck. He gets a dark look grow across his face like a shadow and Dan would laugh if he could. Instead what comes out is an unfamiliar wheezing sound.

His hands are tight and heavy around his throat and soon enough his lungs are burning for air. His eyes bulge wide at the sensation, unable to gulp anything down and he flaps his hands in desperation for a split second before Phil’s hands pull away and Dan’s drinking down sweet air.

He coughs and splutters for a moment until there’s a hand on his shoulder. He looks up at its Phil.

“You good?” He asks. He has a sense of genuine kindness about him that Dan can’t quite understand just yet.

Dan touches his neck with a gentle finger. He can’t feel anything different on the end of his fingertip, and he doubts it would really bruise, but he can  _ feel  _ it, like Phil’s hands are still there.

He smiles.

“Really fucking good,” is what he says.

Phil laughs, low and from the back of his throat and leans in slow before their lips are meeting in a soft and sweet kiss.

They pull away and Dan sucks in a desperate breath.

“I think we’re gonna be fine,” Phil whispers, still so close that his breath tickles against his skin.

Dan hums and reaches up to touch at Phil’s face. He runs his fingers across his face, tracing the outline of his nose and his wet slicked lips.

Phil’s giggling when Dan finally pulls his hands away.

“You’ll look after me, yeah?” Dan asks. 

Phil kisses him again, a little harder this time that has Dan’s bottom lip becoming trapped between hungry teeth. Phil bites down hard enough to draw blood, and when Phil pulls away there’s a red smear against his own lips.

He licks it away just as Dan does to his own.

“Whatever you want,” Phil breathes heavily, eyes dark yet they gleam so brightly. “I can give it to you.”

Dan nods.

“You just have to trust me, okay?”

Dan’s heart is racing in his chest. Phil leans forward, his hands are placed at the top of Dan’s thighs, and he so desperately wishes that there wasn’t a layer of denim separating their skin.

He wants it. He wants all of Phil, even the gross nasty, scary parts.

He nods again.

“I trust you,” Dan says in one breath. “I trust you, Phil.”

Phil chuckles and reaches over to thread his fingers between the shaggy strands of his hair that’s probably going curly by now.

Phil hums, almost affectionately, before leaning in and pressing a long kiss to the corner of his mouth. It tingles against his skin like mint.

“Then we have nothing to worry about, do we?”

Dan shakes his head and wraps his arms around the back of Phil’s neck to pull him back in. Their noses bump and they both give little laughs.

“I want you,” Dan whispers low. “I want you, and I want to make that fucking list we said we’d make.”

Phil laughs, throwing his head back a bit before bumping foreheads with him lightly, creating sparks to ignite in the pits of Dan’s stomach.

He flashes a sultry smile, and kisses him, licking the inside of his mouth. When he pulls away Dan’s sure his entire body is on fire.

He wants to tell Phil to keep going - to kiss him again and again until Phil knows the taste of his mouth better than his mum’s cooking.

Phil looks at him, deep and hard that has Dan squirming under his stare, and simply says:

“We can arrange that.”

Dan smiles. “Good,” he says. “It’s a plan then.”

**Author's Note:**

> (this should go without saying but please don't kill people/eat them - thank you!)
> 
> thank you to grey for the hand holding when i doubted myself <3
> 
> come say hi on tumblr !! @watergator


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